


Trying to Impress

by caity_ski



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Rejection, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 19:23:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13508154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caity_ski/pseuds/caity_ski
Summary: Kankri has a crush and he's ready to confess it.





	Trying to Impress

If there was anyone who could make you break your oath of celibacy it was him – Rufioh Nitram; the boy with the cinnamon wings. He had been nothing short of dashing even when you were all alive. He was certainly rough around the edges after spending so long with the Lost Weeaboos, but that simply added to his roguish charms. 

Not only had he always been kind but he was just like you, a mutant (you would never admit aloud to thinking of yourself as such.) He’d been through so many trials and had experienced so much…you’re not so sure he isn't the one who suffered the most loss. But that smile never really left his face for more than a few minutes, and those chocolate brown eyes never stopped sparkling, even after they became the milky white of the dead.

You aren't stupid though, you’re fully aware of that you are in competition with everyone. But after learning that he and Horuss broke up again, you've decided it’s finally time to at least try for your shot. You know you would be the best match for him – in your own mind anyway – you would never say anything about the unnaturalness of his wings, you’d be very careful not to flaunt that your body had always functioned properly, you’d never say anything relating to the accident with Damara because if those aren't triggering memories you’re not sure what is. You’d be so careful about what you said and did. You could show him a happy pain free life…death, whatever.

This is where you are now, hiding in some bushes, watching him fly around and playing a game of what you presume is troll tag with his lusus. You have no idea how to approach him, normally in a conversation you just sort of insert yourself into whatever anyone else is talking about. This is completely different though, something you’re not sure you’re prepared for. 

But it’s too late to think now, he’s seen you. Oh, oh you are not ready for this and that smile, God that smile needs a trigger warning more than anything else you've come across. Not really, that’s a gross exaggeration. But that doesn't mean it doesn't make your knees feel just a bit weak and your face flush too warm with the cherry red of your blood. 

You’re not sure what exactly he’s saying, you just hope he’ll call you doll because that makes you shiver just a little each time and he’s not talking now just smiling. You’re being quiet too long he’s starting to get that grin when he’s not sure what he should be saying. It’s now or never. Be calm and cool Kankri, woo him.

“I heard you and Horuss are taking another break and I must say I’m not sure this is a very balanced relationship for either of you, as it seems you break it off more than he does. I’m curious if you have ever considered that you’re doing some serious damage to yours and his emotional states by continuing to try and reboot the relationship so frequently. Maybe it’s time that you try to be with someone who is far more compatible and that identifies as your species. Not that identifying as a muscle beast is anything that should turn you away from Horuss; on the contrary I’m very pleased with how well you took his confession of it. However I will put aside identity for now as that is a topic that will certainly derail this conversation to an interesting but ultimately unproductive end, as far as my goals go.”

You stop to breathe, he isn't smiling anymore. You've lost him already, but you can turn this around. He’s opening his mouth to speak, but you’re about to get back on track and can’t be run off course again. It’s so rude to talk over him but you have no choice.

“As I was saying about dating others: I’m not trying to suggest that you need to be in a relationship as it is far more righteous to be without one. And I don’t wish to trigger any negative memories from your previously failed matespritships, but I do think it would be beneficial to our mutual happiness if such a red endeavor were to be explored by you and myself. And however pleased I would be by your agreement I understand it may seem a strange ship; and please know that a ‘no’ will not necessarily have triggering effects, but it would cause a stir of negative emotions…emotions such as depression and more likely than not self-deprecation, but on a scale vastly lesser than if it were actually triggered feelings. I’d hope you wouldn't let such a thing like that cause you fear to reject me however as your happiness is just as important as mine and a no will simply reinforce my pledge of celibacy.”

He’s not smiling at all now, he looks a little upset. Oh no, you've triggered him…

“Hey listen Kan…I think you’re a great guy really, I mean like a straight up gangster, yo…but I’m not really looking for a relationship at all right now. Gunna try and stick with being single for a while, you know? Just take some time off romance, sorry doll, but it really isn't you at all…you’re a dope dude, I’m just not feeling that for anyone right now…” Rufioh is scratching the back of his head and he’s not looking at you. His lusus is sitting on his shoulder, huffing uncertainly into the un-dyed part of Rufioh’s mohawk. 

You nod and are not going to let any tears show. If you cry then you’ll just embarrass yourself further. You knew going into this that he was going to turn you down. You tried to think otherwise. You’re pretty sure you nod and tell him it’s alright. You think he apologizes again and says some other things. You agree and say you need to go. There are not enough tags in all of paradox space to have prepared you for this rejection and heartache.


End file.
